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Having known plenty of women who have converted to Judaism over the years for marriage, I never made my wife convert because, well, frankly she was raised Athiest and I just didn’t care. ” “Because he’s taking my wife out on a date Saturday night.” Adam did not know Dante, but he knew of the bar Craig’s.Judaism has always been more about a culture than a way of life for me anyway, so I listed myself as ‘Casual’ – which I hoped just revealed that I was happy to sit around the house in sweatpants and watch Woody Allen movies. I texted my buddy Adam, who is one of those guys who crushes on Tinder, and told him to look out for my wife’s profile. It was as if I was awaiting some horny high school guy to take out my daughter and I was a frantic ball of tension and stress. According to Adam, Craig’s was a scene, full of beautiful people, celebrities and rich guys who have trophy girls on their arms everywhere.Meanwhile, back home, my wife was hours away from her date with Dante. And then we had a glass of wine at the bar with these hilarious guys who were in town training for the US Olympic volleyball team – then we went to some club – oh my God I can’t believe I even went to this place – where it was that model Amber Rose’s birthday celebration… Then there was a fight and then we left because the bottle service was waaaay too expensive and I noticed it was 11 so I came home.” “No – you came home at ,” I said. What I derived from this social media experiment is that there are a lot more men than women trolling for quick hook-ups and conquests on these apps, and unless you can find a stunning photograph of yourself in a bathing suit, you can almost forget being asked out by anybody.It was then that Adam called me and told me that he had a hot date that night and that there was no way he could spy for me that night. He told me to relax and I went home and started drinking. Before she left, I instructed them to say in their cutest voices, “We love you mommy,” and it was a success. She used to be married to Wiz Khalifa – and then some DJ – DJ Premiere? Then again, this is Los Angeles, the most image-conscience town in the world.
I have never sexually texted any girl – besides my wife – and certainly will never be able to type in the words girls in any airline in-flight magazine. Others can’t believe how much fun I missed out on by not being able to explore the overtly sexual side of the smart phone.
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Once our profiles went online and we were invited to “start searching,” I quickly became aware of the reality of online Jewish singles. ” “Sorry, you’re watching the kids Saturday and I’m going out to dinner at some place called Craig’s.” She slammed the door and left me in the living room, gutted. I even offered to cover his dinner and drinks if he did it. Meanwhile, the next few days, I didn’t sign onto JFIIX at all. My wife ignored me as I dressed myself conservatively and strolled out the door to go on the first date I have been in since 2001. For one, her long black dress covered what appeared to be an increasing paunch in the stomach area.
Most of them were better looking than I had expected, and I initially matched with one reformed girl named Sadie who was only on my feed because we both liked A second match came an hour later when a fairly cute girl named Heather approved my photo and said I looked like a rock star. I spent my time in the gym, getting my aggressions out and dreading the Saturday night when my wife would Uber to the restaurant to meet Dante, who at this point, I had decided was either African American or Greek – based on the hundreds of Google searches I made for “Dante- .” The one rule I made was that he could not pick her up at our house, and she agreed. One of them was named Perla, and she claimed to be new in town from the Ukraine. Not that I’m some David Beckham-like specimen, but at least I didn’t post a photo of myself with Photo-shopped abs. She was at least five years older than her listed age of 33, her hair was wiry and curly and had stray greys everywhere.
The hard part would be convincing my WIFE to let me do this. Here we were, two middle-aged married people agreeing to explore the dating world as a social experiment for one week. JFIIX uses Facebook as your homepage, so I had to alter nearly every detail on my personal life.